Last Entry (super late – Day 79, to be exact)
Well, I’m a Mrs. I didn’t write like I said I would because weddings are busier than I realized. Wednesday involved my best friend being with me for the first time since one of our dear friends died 3 years ago. I felt as though I was thrust into a secret world I hadn’t been a part of for too long. A world where we share triumphs and tragedy…a shared history that is ours and more than the word “special” can describe. I needed her, and, I think, she needed me. There’s no pill that can cure the need of a truly accepting friend.
We sprinted towards togetherness with a visit to the nail salon (which I desperately needed – eczema really does a number on my cuticles and makes me look like a mechanic (probably my calling, but I received it too late). We talked and talked and talked.
Then my sister arrived, who I haven’t seen since her daughter was born 4 years ago, and another secret universe opened up, and I realized I needed her more than I realized, and, again, I think, she needed me…
We had a mad dash of shopping, and then we went to get my mother (who, again, I hadn’t seen in over 2 years). Another special-secret-universe opened up and I walked through. We had lunch, and then rushed away…not enough time to go down these rabbit holes and spend time in each secret universe…
Then we were running late (we thought) for helping set up for a bridal shower at my in-laws’ house (we weren’t; we were early…they were at the grocery store). So. Many. Wonderful. People. Arrived. My sister-in-laws (2 years since seeing – though I had seen Laura, the middle sister, a couple of days before…), my Aunt Ruth (almost 5 years since seeing), and then Mi-Sun arrived with my now-husband from Korea. I hadn’t seen her since the year before, but…she is always sunshine in my world. A secret world that we created to communicate and were able to find such uncanny commonality in. This becomes the “why” as to why I didn’t write for so long…as my best friend puts it, “You’re a one-person friend,” and all those one-persons in my universe were arriving at a hurried pace; I couldn’t prepare for it.
We had a very sweet Bridal Shower, where I learned a lot about my now-husband that I didn’t know, especially, that he is more observant than I am…he notices things that are true about me; more true than I off-the-cuff create…
We then had a Bachelorette Party. Not too many people came, but it was a blast, no matter what and my best friend and I did what we call a “Betsy-ballet” to this poor unsuspecting dude’s rendition of “My Way”. The only exercise of the day…I might add…
Thursday involved an epic and transcending day at 10,000 Waves (an internationally known Japanese spa in Santa Fe – serendipitously on a road called “Artist”). This began with the late arrival of our friend Emily, who was supposed to arrive during our Bachelorette Party, but the gods of travel hate my wedding, so…everyone was delayed… Ladies of all shapes and sizes bonded in our private tub for an hour before I was whisked off to four hours of treatments paid for by my ever-loving best friend/maid-of-honor (and, by the way, she earned that title more than anyone I know – so much so that all my long-time close friends kept patting me on the back saying, “You did well…,” as though I had anything to do with the creation of this magical creature named “Betsy”). There was no exercise in this day, at all, but a Thai massage always feels like a workout, and the Herbal Wrap is somewhat painful and life-affirming, so…it kind of feels like a workout.
There was some pitter-pat-inducing annoyance at the end of the spa day, when the spa tried to charge us for the treatments that some of our absent friends didn’t fulfill. Betsy was a boss when she told the spa that this was their problem and that they needed to keep better records. They needed to charge them… We realized that our pitter-pat came from a lack of sugar in our systems and promptly stopped at a gas station to pick up some really bad food, which was paradoxical on such a “healthy” day. Oh well…antithesis makes good theater…and they pretty much rule my existence.
Later on Thursday we had our fittings with my mother and then we went out to eat and talked with my student, now friend, Derrick and his now-beau, Josh. We also rehearsed the dance Emily created for my gift to Nick (performances of songs that he has given me over the years by all of my theater company).
It was decided by Emily and myself that we would attempt the jog we used to do the next morning before our friend Susan arrived, and we did…it was hard (it used to be 7.5 miles – we did 4), but invigorating…I then did my wedding circuit before we began all the preparations for the rehearsal at 3PM and then the rehearsal dinner.
Susan arrived and our secret universe was interrupted by fittings and something I wasn’t to know about. There was a “chamber of secrets” in the bridesmaid’s room at the back of our rental, and I wasn’t allowed in…
At noon, our other “special” friend and fellow bridesmaid, May, came over to have a dance tutorial with a very hung-over Nick and myself (Nick had his bachelor party on Thursday night).
The rehearsal was fast and furious because I somehow forgot that I told our officiant, Tláloc (my brother from another mother), that it was at 3PM, when he was barely awake and we were trying to muster up our own secret universe on Tuesday night…he didn’t remember…so…we had to wait until he arrived. Some interesting things occurred at the rehearsal, that I won’t discuss, but anyone who has been married probably knows about these lovely family dramas that just pop up, when you least expect them…all ended up being fine…but the pitter-pat of stress reared its ugly head, again…
Our flash-mob gift to Nick went off really well (albeit 4 members of the theater company did not show up, so…the gravity of the gift wasn’t complete, but…it was what it was…). I was especially proud of my former students and the growth they have made over the past year.
After the rehearsal dinner we ditched the now-husband, and went to retrieve his childhood photos to create a collage of the two of us (another brilliant idea made by the magical creature called, “Betsy”). We (also) picked up some things I forgot for the wedding (ring pillow, ribbon for the bouquets we were to make the next morning, and alcohol for all the wedding preparation). We went back to the house where a party was already in session, and joined in. Lots of lovely mingling and traveling down different portals to different “special” universes with all my accepting and transcendent friends. I couldn’t sleep, so Betsy said, “Go to bed, or you’ll be ugly tomorrow.” True statement.
I woke up very early everyday before the wedding; I don’t know if it is Gus, the dog, circadian rhythm, but…I just couldn’t sleep…
Betsy and I planned on going to the “Grower’s Market” first thing in the morning to snatch up all of the local/sustainable/organic flowers they had. It was busy, already, at 8AM…so…I walked furiously around the park buying up all that I could.
We went for another 4 mile jog (albeit the magical Betsy joined us…poor thing had never jogged at 5000 feet up…so…it was a bit of a shock to the system…). We then launched into all the champagne drinking and fruit eating we could muster. However, those of us who have lived in New Mexico ate breakfast burritos every morning, so…not much fruit was consumed because we were full…
We made the bouquets from the local flowers and I knew they would be a perfect cross-color to the dresses in the bridal party.
There were some final fittings all morning at my mother’s hotel room, and then Susan and Christin had to be left behind because their dresses were not done…Our amazing friend Pocky had arrived that morning, and became our best helper with driving and retrieving of “day of” gifts. She was a god-send.
The wedding prep was easy, except the room was very hot. The set-up of the receiving table and the gifts for the guests (little tin pails with sugar skulls on them and an LED candle inside) took no time at all.
The monsoon season, as I had predicted, began with strong winds right at 4:30PM, and we had to re-do some of the tables, but…we were off to finish preparation.
I did my own hair, but we had to retrieve my mother to do the little French braids I needed for the lining of the bump because my fingers were shaking too much.
The “chamber of secrets” ended up being this amazing scrapbook that the magical Betsy created and implemented stories and pictures from the bridal party. She also had Nick (the now-husband) write me a letter that I was to read before I did my makeup. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Nick said later that he was glad that
Betsy made him do that because it helped him write his vows: he had things he wanted to say to me (privately) and then things he wanted to say to our friends and family about me…separate, but both important. I was a wreck, but I had such resolve after that…I have never felt that loved by so many people…I sort of walked in that universe the rest of the night…
I was so worried that I was going to step on my sari on the aisle that I forgot to smile, but…I only know that because I saw the photos, however, my brother Troy made me feel so special with the story of his son playing with the photo of our father (I created a seat for our Dad in the front row). Luke, my 2-year-old ring-bearer nephew, saw the photo, and, though he never met our Dad, started calling him “Papa” and began running back and forth to the picture, as though he was playing with it. He was there. My brother teared up a bit, and I felt strong to have him by my side. My brother and I also share a special universe that is haunted by many skeletons, but also a lot of courage to overcome those skeletons…I share this only with him, and I never have to discuss this with him because we both know that we don’t want to discuss it…
With Emily singing “Wild as the Wind” by Nina Simone, I walked behind our bridal party. The quote “Don’t You Know That You’re Life Itself” is such an important lyric to me. I heard it at a dangerous moment in my now-marriage, and it set me on a new path. At the end of the aisle was my now-husband with a very surprised look on his face (he had no idea that I wouldn’t be wearing white) and my brother from another mother, Tláloc, looking very happy/nervous to be our officiant.
The wedding was magical with our rain-god, Tláloc, bringing on the rain, and making it stop during the service, and performing a service to Nick and I that only he could do. Susan read my favorite quote from the beginning of the “Divine” chapter in Toni Morrison’s PARADISE. The vows were a surprise and a wonder, I think, to both of us. And…then…Tláloc pronounced us “husband and wife”. We kissed and receded down the aisle to Guns ‘n Roses’ SWEET CHILD OF MINE.
So many magical friends were in the same room at the reception; and I couldn’t walk into the portals for too long…I hope they didn’t feel robbed, but…the reception was fun, the food was great, and the flower girl niece (Lucia) and the ring bearer nephew were the life of the dance floor. Nick and I danced to “Tougher Than the Rest” by Bruce Springsteen, Troy and I danced to our Dad’s favorite song “Tequila Sunrise”, Nick danced with his mother to “Volver”, and I danced with his Dad to I-can’t-remember, but, apparently, it was a hit…Nick’s Dad can really cut a rug.
I can’t go into any more details because I was in a fog of bliss and happy-stress brought on by being in the presence of so many people who are not subject to the material universe. But…the 68 Days Until the Wedding Workout, worked…I was happy with my mind/body/soul journey and I hope the ritual commenced this marriage on the right portal…
Well, I’m a Mrs. I didn’t write like I said I would because weddings are busier than I realized. Wednesday involved my best friend being with me for the first time since one of our dear friends died 3 years ago. I felt as though I was thrust into a secret world I hadn’t been a part of for too long. A world where we share triumphs and tragedy…a shared history that is ours and more than the word “special” can describe. I needed her, and, I think, she needed me. There’s no pill that can cure the need of a truly accepting friend.
We sprinted towards togetherness with a visit to the nail salon (which I desperately needed – eczema really does a number on my cuticles and makes me look like a mechanic (probably my calling, but I received it too late). We talked and talked and talked.
Then my sister arrived, who I haven’t seen since her daughter was born 4 years ago, and another secret universe opened up, and I realized I needed her more than I realized, and, again, I think, she needed me…
We had a mad dash of shopping, and then we went to get my mother (who, again, I hadn’t seen in over 2 years). Another special-secret-universe opened up and I walked through. We had lunch, and then rushed away…not enough time to go down these rabbit holes and spend time in each secret universe…
Then we were running late (we thought) for helping set up for a bridal shower at my in-laws’ house (we weren’t; we were early…they were at the grocery store). So. Many. Wonderful. People. Arrived. My sister-in-laws (2 years since seeing – though I had seen Laura, the middle sister, a couple of days before…), my Aunt Ruth (almost 5 years since seeing), and then Mi-Sun arrived with my now-husband from Korea. I hadn’t seen her since the year before, but…she is always sunshine in my world. A secret world that we created to communicate and were able to find such uncanny commonality in. This becomes the “why” as to why I didn’t write for so long…as my best friend puts it, “You’re a one-person friend,” and all those one-persons in my universe were arriving at a hurried pace; I couldn’t prepare for it.
We had a very sweet Bridal Shower, where I learned a lot about my now-husband that I didn’t know, especially, that he is more observant than I am…he notices things that are true about me; more true than I off-the-cuff create…
We then had a Bachelorette Party. Not too many people came, but it was a blast, no matter what and my best friend and I did what we call a “Betsy-ballet” to this poor unsuspecting dude’s rendition of “My Way”. The only exercise of the day…I might add…
Thursday involved an epic and transcending day at 10,000 Waves (an internationally known Japanese spa in Santa Fe – serendipitously on a road called “Artist”). This began with the late arrival of our friend Emily, who was supposed to arrive during our Bachelorette Party, but the gods of travel hate my wedding, so…everyone was delayed… Ladies of all shapes and sizes bonded in our private tub for an hour before I was whisked off to four hours of treatments paid for by my ever-loving best friend/maid-of-honor (and, by the way, she earned that title more than anyone I know – so much so that all my long-time close friends kept patting me on the back saying, “You did well…,” as though I had anything to do with the creation of this magical creature named “Betsy”). There was no exercise in this day, at all, but a Thai massage always feels like a workout, and the Herbal Wrap is somewhat painful and life-affirming, so…it kind of feels like a workout.
There was some pitter-pat-inducing annoyance at the end of the spa day, when the spa tried to charge us for the treatments that some of our absent friends didn’t fulfill. Betsy was a boss when she told the spa that this was their problem and that they needed to keep better records. They needed to charge them… We realized that our pitter-pat came from a lack of sugar in our systems and promptly stopped at a gas station to pick up some really bad food, which was paradoxical on such a “healthy” day. Oh well…antithesis makes good theater…and they pretty much rule my existence.
Later on Thursday we had our fittings with my mother and then we went out to eat and talked with my student, now friend, Derrick and his now-beau, Josh. We also rehearsed the dance Emily created for my gift to Nick (performances of songs that he has given me over the years by all of my theater company).
It was decided by Emily and myself that we would attempt the jog we used to do the next morning before our friend Susan arrived, and we did…it was hard (it used to be 7.5 miles – we did 4), but invigorating…I then did my wedding circuit before we began all the preparations for the rehearsal at 3PM and then the rehearsal dinner.
Susan arrived and our secret universe was interrupted by fittings and something I wasn’t to know about. There was a “chamber of secrets” in the bridesmaid’s room at the back of our rental, and I wasn’t allowed in…
At noon, our other “special” friend and fellow bridesmaid, May, came over to have a dance tutorial with a very hung-over Nick and myself (Nick had his bachelor party on Thursday night).
The rehearsal was fast and furious because I somehow forgot that I told our officiant, Tláloc (my brother from another mother), that it was at 3PM, when he was barely awake and we were trying to muster up our own secret universe on Tuesday night…he didn’t remember…so…we had to wait until he arrived. Some interesting things occurred at the rehearsal, that I won’t discuss, but anyone who has been married probably knows about these lovely family dramas that just pop up, when you least expect them…all ended up being fine…but the pitter-pat of stress reared its ugly head, again…
Our flash-mob gift to Nick went off really well (albeit 4 members of the theater company did not show up, so…the gravity of the gift wasn’t complete, but…it was what it was…). I was especially proud of my former students and the growth they have made over the past year.
After the rehearsal dinner we ditched the now-husband, and went to retrieve his childhood photos to create a collage of the two of us (another brilliant idea made by the magical creature called, “Betsy”). We (also) picked up some things I forgot for the wedding (ring pillow, ribbon for the bouquets we were to make the next morning, and alcohol for all the wedding preparation). We went back to the house where a party was already in session, and joined in. Lots of lovely mingling and traveling down different portals to different “special” universes with all my accepting and transcendent friends. I couldn’t sleep, so Betsy said, “Go to bed, or you’ll be ugly tomorrow.” True statement.
I woke up very early everyday before the wedding; I don’t know if it is Gus, the dog, circadian rhythm, but…I just couldn’t sleep…
Betsy and I planned on going to the “Grower’s Market” first thing in the morning to snatch up all of the local/sustainable/organic flowers they had. It was busy, already, at 8AM…so…I walked furiously around the park buying up all that I could.
We went for another 4 mile jog (albeit the magical Betsy joined us…poor thing had never jogged at 5000 feet up…so…it was a bit of a shock to the system…). We then launched into all the champagne drinking and fruit eating we could muster. However, those of us who have lived in New Mexico ate breakfast burritos every morning, so…not much fruit was consumed because we were full…
We made the bouquets from the local flowers and I knew they would be a perfect cross-color to the dresses in the bridal party.
There were some final fittings all morning at my mother’s hotel room, and then Susan and Christin had to be left behind because their dresses were not done…Our amazing friend Pocky had arrived that morning, and became our best helper with driving and retrieving of “day of” gifts. She was a god-send.
The wedding prep was easy, except the room was very hot. The set-up of the receiving table and the gifts for the guests (little tin pails with sugar skulls on them and an LED candle inside) took no time at all.
The monsoon season, as I had predicted, began with strong winds right at 4:30PM, and we had to re-do some of the tables, but…we were off to finish preparation.
I did my own hair, but we had to retrieve my mother to do the little French braids I needed for the lining of the bump because my fingers were shaking too much.
The “chamber of secrets” ended up being this amazing scrapbook that the magical Betsy created and implemented stories and pictures from the bridal party. She also had Nick (the now-husband) write me a letter that I was to read before I did my makeup. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Nick said later that he was glad that
Betsy made him do that because it helped him write his vows: he had things he wanted to say to me (privately) and then things he wanted to say to our friends and family about me…separate, but both important. I was a wreck, but I had such resolve after that…I have never felt that loved by so many people…I sort of walked in that universe the rest of the night…
I was so worried that I was going to step on my sari on the aisle that I forgot to smile, but…I only know that because I saw the photos, however, my brother Troy made me feel so special with the story of his son playing with the photo of our father (I created a seat for our Dad in the front row). Luke, my 2-year-old ring-bearer nephew, saw the photo, and, though he never met our Dad, started calling him “Papa” and began running back and forth to the picture, as though he was playing with it. He was there. My brother teared up a bit, and I felt strong to have him by my side. My brother and I also share a special universe that is haunted by many skeletons, but also a lot of courage to overcome those skeletons…I share this only with him, and I never have to discuss this with him because we both know that we don’t want to discuss it…
With Emily singing “Wild as the Wind” by Nina Simone, I walked behind our bridal party. The quote “Don’t You Know That You’re Life Itself” is such an important lyric to me. I heard it at a dangerous moment in my now-marriage, and it set me on a new path. At the end of the aisle was my now-husband with a very surprised look on his face (he had no idea that I wouldn’t be wearing white) and my brother from another mother, Tláloc, looking very happy/nervous to be our officiant.
The wedding was magical with our rain-god, Tláloc, bringing on the rain, and making it stop during the service, and performing a service to Nick and I that only he could do. Susan read my favorite quote from the beginning of the “Divine” chapter in Toni Morrison’s PARADISE. The vows were a surprise and a wonder, I think, to both of us. And…then…Tláloc pronounced us “husband and wife”. We kissed and receded down the aisle to Guns ‘n Roses’ SWEET CHILD OF MINE.
So many magical friends were in the same room at the reception; and I couldn’t walk into the portals for too long…I hope they didn’t feel robbed, but…the reception was fun, the food was great, and the flower girl niece (Lucia) and the ring bearer nephew were the life of the dance floor. Nick and I danced to “Tougher Than the Rest” by Bruce Springsteen, Troy and I danced to our Dad’s favorite song “Tequila Sunrise”, Nick danced with his mother to “Volver”, and I danced with his Dad to I-can’t-remember, but, apparently, it was a hit…Nick’s Dad can really cut a rug.
I can’t go into any more details because I was in a fog of bliss and happy-stress brought on by being in the presence of so many people who are not subject to the material universe. But…the 68 Days Until the Wedding Workout, worked…I was happy with my mind/body/soul journey and I hope the ritual commenced this marriage on the right portal…
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